Do you ever have those moments when the chaos pauses and you suddenly realise where you are in life?
Last night while my 3 older children sat in bed, looking at picture books, I felt like I wanted time to freeze. To savour that moment as they sat there quietly, looking small and adorable.
How much longer will I have them? A good 10 years at least. Probably more with the youngest. But my older two are now 6 and 7. No longer those twin like babies that fought over cookies with chubby little fingers.
Someday they’ll be gone, living their own lives. There will be other, more important people around them. The mama they run to for every scratch and scrape today, will take a comfy little back seat somewhere.
I’ve seen so many elderly people around me cling on to their adult children and not let go.
I wonder, when the time comes, how will I react to the emptiness that my children leave behind. Will I be strong and find something else to do? Will my husband and I suddenly discover, we don’t know what to do with each other? Will I constantly pull back on the beautiful winged creatures my children will, insha Allah, become?
There’s one thing I know I don’t want. I don’t want to resent them for sacrificing my youth and time in raising them just as I don’t want to miss a moment of their childhood.
I want to build something for myself brick by brick, slowly and then pick up pace later as they grow. So that by the time they begin to walk away, I have a mountain to stand on.